If you sat down to watch the Longhorns lose to Ohio State or the Texans cruise to victory this past weekend—or if you’ve watched just about any football at all in recent months—you’ve seen the ads. Matthew McConaughey is chilling in a big house, inexplicably watching the big game with San Francisco 49ers star Christian McCaffrey (maybe they’re in a club for people whose name begins with “Mc”?). McCaffrey wonders, “Why am I still hungry?,” and McConaughey launches into a conspiracy theory, the basics of which you can probably recite by memory, unless you’re particularly quick with the mute button on your remote. “Because you’re watching football,” McConaughey intones. “The whole game is basically an elaborate scheme to make you buy more food.” He then…
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